Bored of That....

I have a really short attention span. Causes me problems sometimes. Mostly it shows in how I start and stop things that I think are a good idea but then they fizzle.... a sewing or knitting project partly finished, stories partly written, diplomas and degrees not completed, scheduled exercise programs dropped or the simple tracking of my moods forgotten about. Before I'm finished I'm ready to change gears. I get bored... starts to feels like a task.... doesn't go as planned. Enthusiasm gone.

It has always been difficult for me to stick to anything for very long unless I'm really engaged and then I stick like crazy glue until I'm done or I drop. When I focus so intensely I push everything else aside. I don't notice much going on around me. I'm just focused on the challenge and I'm operating in high speed over drive to be the best, do the best and get the best from my effort and performance.

It has impacted how I've parented my son. The lack of routine that comes with 'work binging' makes it challenging to juggle the roles. Sadly my son was introduced to video games early and it served as a baby sitter when I was in 'work mode'. Yet on the other side he'd think it was great when I'd pull him out of school to have our own field trip on impulse.

I seldom considered my best interests when I walked out on a job. Beyond the need to get out of something that felt restricting I gave no thought to the implications. My finances suffered from my impulsive decisions. I lost severance pay and benefits. My savings got eaten up more times than I can count to cover expenses while I transitioned or chased a new project idea or activity.

Teaching at the college was probably the best complement for me. As a sessional instructor I had a lot of independence. I had limited office hours and the whole summer off. That suited me. As far as jobs go.

What I do now suits me best right now. It isn't ideal but it beats the alternatives. I consider getting a 'real job' now and then. When someone brings it up cuz they think I need more structure. I've chosen to downsize my needs rather than have to give up my time to work for any one person or organization for too long. I prefer the freedom to juggle my schedule and involve myself in a wide range of interests.

Procrastination balanced with binging makes for an interesting routine for my life. I know.... I'm fooling myself.... That's not what they mean when they say 'follow a routine'. I know I'm still looking at it from the extremes but it does send flutters of panic up my spin at the thought of putting more structure in my days. I like waking up and having the freedom to shuffle my activities around. I don't want to be locked into a pattern but I know a better balance could be found.

September is around the corner and my son may be doing some courses from home. That will need some better structure in the home to work well. He's joining football and a couple of other activities that will certainly start to bold a pretty solid schedule for him. I'll need to find a compatible schedule for myself or we will both fall back into flipping around doing this or that.... now or then....

Guess I better take this routine thing a little more seriously.