New Day....

Another troubling night trying to sleep. Made the first attempt at midnight but it was 6am before sleep finally came. Between the rapid breathing, the head rushes and the feeling of pins pricking me it was a tough go. At one point I was even nosiated and had to fight the urge to throw up. I know.... too much information. I think I'm the only person visiting of my blog these days so I guess I shouldn't be concerned.

It's noon time and I haven't yet made it into my office. I woke about 10 and have been moving rather slowly since. Going to have some lunch and then see how productive I can be for the rest of the day. I should take the time to connect with a new doctor. Get that ball rolling now before I'm due for some new blood work to test my thyroid levels.

I did some more research on alternative treatments for bi-polar depression. One of the clinical tag that the docs have hung on me. The one that justifies their prescribing me the range of psych-drugs that match their diagnosis. The funny thing about getting a diagnosis for mental illness... once they tag you with one label they start taging you with others. 'Disorders' of all sorts are added to the list of my ills. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder --- the accumlated variety. Personality disorder.... that's a good one. Makes one feel very likeable hey. Stress or anxiety disorder. Then the 'disorders' become 'deficits'.... Attention deficit disorder.... Memory deficit disorder.... a never ending parade it seems.

I read that there are actual tests that can be done to get some indication of what's going on inside of me and my head. Hormone and vitimin levels that can be measured to provide useful information about why my body and brain react as they do. It's more than the subjective evaluation based on a question and answer 'test' that has let the docs I've seen so far to jump to the conclusions and suggest the courses of action that they have. All drug related of course.

Before I give in to the psych drugs I need to know I've tried everything dietary and behaviourally that I can. If changes in my diet and lifestyle or a cocktail of vitamins can have some positive effects I want to know that before I pollute my body with foreign stuff. Before I become a slave to the pharmacutical industry. Before I have so many chemicals working off of each other that I loose tough with myself.

Is there a doctor out there who will take this journey with me. I sure hope so. If not I guess I just have to get more educated myself and try things on my own. It's all a crap shoot from what I've seen. Better me tossing the dice than some doctor getting kickbacks from the drug pushers.